Life · Uncategorized

The possibility of goodbye. My birthday post

Happy birthday to me! I’m 22 now and I’m completely screwed. With two Australian visas ending in April, we have nowhere to go afterwards. We ran out of money and we (nevermind just me) suck at our my job so are more than screwed. I’m trying to figure something out but basically: money will determine whether we’ll be together. The worst part is I can’t even have nice dreams anymore because this issue has to come in and taint them all consistently. It’s yucky.

Whoever said money doesn’t buy happiness is wrong. Money can buy anything, there are visas in this country specifically for people with a lot of money and for no other reason.


On the bright side I actually had a pretty good birthday. I Skyped with my parents the day after which was their gift to me. Oh yeah, another horrible depressing thing to mention, and I won’t go into detail, but a family member of mine was hospitalized for an issue which is serious. On top of my already big enough issue, this means I have been doing a lot more crying than usual as of late (I cry a lot already, I’m weak). It’s basically in my daily schedule by now. Also stress poops. Those too. Sorry that was definitely too much information.


Anyway it’s time to see the good parts. I also want to mention last night we went to South Australia’s Adelaide “Fringe Festival” opening parade, which is where the pictures are coming from. Although I have to admit the photographers were in the way the whole time.

This is literally the only picture I got of the actual parade that wasn’t blurry. I’ve just gone through them all. I wish I was kidding.

Many boys are fart machines in human bodies and are not that great at the whole “romantic” thing. That’s why on February 10th 2017, AKA my 22nd birthday, I requested thoughtfulness from my boyfriend. I just wanted something handmade that shows he tried and he thought about me. I’m sentimental so something handmade means a lot more than it should to me.


The day before my birthday he was killing me by not allowing me into the kitchen while he got to bake. I LOVE BAKING. I was being very annoying, bothering him and begging him to let me in and help. I was lucky enough that he came out with a bowl and an apron on and let me stir the ingredients. Then I got to lick the bowl when he was done. Score.


Days before that he would buy things in secret and I had to be on the other side of the store while he was getting things. The good news is I found 3 kilograms of potatoes for 30 cents. Highlight of that day x 100.

The morning of my birthday he started making a meal his mom made for us a lot back in Germany. Chicken Fricassee. So good. He tried to make it a surprise but it was obvious when he started boiling an entire chicken in a ridiculously large pot. The pots he chooses are always way too big and mine are always way too small. The struggle of a lifetime.


While I was in the middle of eating my soup, he impatiently asked whether I wanted cake and proceeded to “sneak” and grab some birthday candles from the drawer that was directly behind me. Before I could say I didn’t want any yet he ran and got the cake he had spent so much time on and revealed it to me.


It was a Sims diamond shaped cake which he covered in fondant and painted with food glitter. It was adorable. This was me making a short wish. I was like this for only 4 hours.Very short wish. Sorry I look like a gremlin, it was morning.img_2893

He also made me a little book which made me cry. Like I said, I’m a crier.


Each page was cut with a very small kitchen knife. Why not an x-acto knife, you ask? Well I don’t know either.

He also bought a gift which he wrapped himself and stapled shut. Boys.


It was one of those adult coloring books which I’ve always stopped and looked at but never got one. If we are apart again in April, it is things like this he does that I’ll miss.



We ate a lot of ice cream because it was 45C  (113F) that week. To keep chocolate from not melting in the car included me trying to avoid it from melting in my hands by holding it like it was some sort of diseased hot potato in front of the vents blowing air conditioning.


Oh also, last night we apparently stumbled by a Guns N’ Roses concert. Had no idea they still existed but there you go. Now you know. Keeping you updated on the latest news from the 1980’s. Now I’m probably going to go cry some more and continue to figure out what to do. Maybe my next post will have a solution! Thank you for reading.



32 thoughts on “The possibility of goodbye. My birthday post

  1. Happy Birthday! I was sorry to read about your visa situation, this country really is a pain in this way. Have you consulted a good migration agent? Maybe there is a way? Hope it’s a great year for you and your boyfriend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I wish there was a visa for “I like it here and I wanna stay here. Can I stay? Please” but there’s not. We talked to the immigration place here but they couldn’t help unfortunately. It’ll be alright! I hope it’s a great year too, and obviously I hope the same for you 🙂


  2. I read this post within 6 minutes of you posting, but due to timezones differences I was passing out. 😂 I totally wished you “Happy Birthday” in my heart. 🎂 Here’s an emoji cake, even though Sebastian made the best cake ever.

    I’m wishing you two the very best with the predicament you’re in. Perhaps you can move back to Germany or the USA with one’s family for a while? You’ll figure it out; the fact that you’ve been on your own and exploring the world is a huge accomplishment, so no need to doubt your capabilities. 😊 Everything will work out and be great.

    Lately I’ve been hearing from friends, who I admire as the strongest and bravest people ever (you’re included in my list!), that they cry too. I agree that it’s a sign of strength and honesty with yourself, so no worries. Life is tough, and so are we. 💪 Cry and prevail on, you amazing person. ❤❤ We all believe in you and we’re cheering you on! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I find it so sweet and somewhat full circle that in your first post (or about me? I forget) you mentioned making a scrapbook for Sebastian but that he wasn’t sentimental in the way you are, yet here he is making you a little flower book. 😊💕 This is like the Lindsey Livings’ season finale.


    2. Aww you’re a trooper but now I kinda wish you would have commented all half-asleep haha. And I’m not going to turn down an emoji cake. What kind of birthday would it be if you didn’t get some too though, so here ya go. 🎂 🙂 One of my friends also messaged me one day and said she didn’t sign up for all this crying once she turned into an adult. It is totally a sign of bravery but seriously I cry at Say Yes to the Dress. It’s the worst. You’re an amazing person too and you’re right, I’m sure everything will end up okay. I really feel better after reading your comment ❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Belated happy birthday. May the sun shine upon you and dry up your tears. May your sadness turn to joy.

    It sucks to have stuff happen one thing after another. Stuff gets in the way and deals us a whole lot of things we HAVE to do before we can get to the point where we’re doing what we WANT to do. It happens to us all. The most precious part to helping us get through is the love from our family and friends. Things like this are very difficult but we all get challenges and thankfully, when we have a fantastic boyfriend, best friend, family, etc. we can pull through it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m really glad there are people like you who have empathy and don’t have to but say such nice things. Life is not perfect but people like you (plus of course family and friends, oh and boyfriend) keep me chugging along. Thank you so so much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Lindsey! That is what the journey is all about. Once upon a time I had a boyfriend, then another, another…and one day I stopped trying so hard. It’s been a long time since I had a serious relationship with a guy but I have a friendship with an older man that has taken me through some very bad times. For whatever it’s worth I’ve learned that love can come in many different forms. I’d never have thought this guy would be there when I went to the ER and was sick and a mess. He stood by me and waited for me when I got home. As you mature you’ll experience things like this yourself.


      2. I’m glad to hear you found such a good friendship. People who will be there no matter what because they love you are hard to find so I’m happy for you to have someone like that. My parents got divorced when I was young but always remained friends, through sickness and bad money struggles, and the last time I visited them they were the definition of BFF’s with more inside jokes than me and my friends. I always looked up to that and it made me realize how love actually does come in a million forms. You’re so right 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! We’re door knockers and we are awful at human contact. A new job would be awesome but we move at least once a month and employers don’t really seem to like that haha. You’re on the right track though!


  4. Sorry you’re birthday wasn’t as good as you’d have liked.
    Oh-and you’re not weak for crying. Being able to show your emotions is actually a sign of strength. Good luck with the stress poops 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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