My very first Australia Day as an American

I couldn’t post this a week ago when I wanted because I’ve learned people have limits on their internet at home and 100GB is nothing for a month, at least for losers who do nothing like us. 2 days ago we also drove 8 hours away to Adelaide, the biggest city in South Australia. We were fueled by chicken nuggets and frozen Coke. We couldn’t cook while living out of the tent for a few days so it was actually awesome eating unhealthy food. I forgot how good chicken nuggets were. Damn were they good. Now I want nuggets. Anyway I will continue what I wrote a week ago.

As a foreigner there’s a lot of holidays you get to learn about in each country you live in. The one thing that stays the same is that it’s always an excuse to get wasted and not go to work. Australia has “Australia Day” where they celebrate when the British landed. So basically the yankee’s Columbus day, only the Australians celebrate it more like the 4th of July.

I had a horrible week filled with wanting to die and dentists wanting me to give them everything in my purse plus my left kidney (Seriously $360 for a filling. Kill me. Please. Kill. Me.), plus wanting to die a little more because of it but that’s not anything special so Australia day was a nice day off. The worst thing that happened was the sunburn I got, I look like I’m trying to transform into a crab. The first thing the dentist said was “Did you get a sunburn?”, and continuing to ask questions while her entire fist was in my mouth. So I looked like a lobster who had a recent stroke all day.

Anyway, we went into the city to enjoy the country’s big holiday. The first thing we came across was the trains stopping at a stop way earlier than usual, and after walking the rest of the way we found out why. It was the biggest protest I have ever seen in my entire life. Also this post is long so bear with me. It was a 12 hour day.

We walked to the other side to be able to see it and I claimed my spot on a tall fat pole to see more.

There’s a lot of differences between Australia and America, but one very strong thing about Australia is that they have enough indigenous people (or they’re actually allowed?) to be able to speak up about the past. I’ve never witnessed anything like this happening in America. I was really happy to see the cops quietly standing by to make sure nothing bad happened with such a big crowd. This was the first time I felt like police were there to protect rather than get someone in trouble, which apparently is only an American thing (something I’ve learned from moving away).

We also stumbled upon the Royal Australian Air Force doing a show above and this is the only picture I got. I know it’s bad lol. It was much cooler in person.

Our goal was to walk to the city’s botanical gardens and go to the Government House which is where the Governor of Victoria lives. A woman by the way, totally why Victoria is so awesome. Same with Germany. Anyway it’s never open to the public but it’s Australia Day so why not? Our walk was only about 30 min but when we arrived we found a line. A big line.

Luckily we had entertainment.

They were playing Thrift Shop by Macklemore. I also saw twisty potatoes along the way. Tornado Potato? Spiral Potato? I don’t know what they’re called but they look like this.

They were $6 for one! It’s just one potato! So we didn’t get one. The one thing I find to be not fun in Australia is simply how rich most of them are. Why would I say that!? It’s good, very good for them and I’m very happy for them, I wish I could be like that but it just sort of means they don’t realize how far their money can go. Example A: a potato for $6.

It’s also super embarrassing to be invited out to food and only order water because everything else is too expensive then pretend you’re “not hungry” and just kinda stare and drool at all the other delicious looking food. It’s like the episode of Friends where they all go out to eat to celebrate Monica’s new job, Rachel orders the side salad and when the waiter asks what it’ll be on the side of she goes “Why don’t you put it right here next to my water?”

We finally made it through the gate and what did we see? Another line! It only took us about 45 min of waiting in total but that much time in the sun in Australia means you can say goodbye to your flesh if you’re not from there.

It was gorgeous!

More entertainment, of course.

Inside we were greeted with a piano player (didn’t expect that) and of course over the top decorations plated in gold and marble imported from Italy. Europeans and their royalty.

Does anyone know what these flags are? I’ve learned the left is the Governor flag, and is actually lowered if the governor isn’t there but I still don’t know what the right one is. Help?

Got to see the queen’s Chinese twin. She had the pose down perfectly.

Also a ridiculous dining table.

Plis a ridiculous kitchen to match.

The ballroom and the throne, a little lego set and us attempting to take a picture in front of the throne.

When we made it out, we somehow ended up getting ourselves in a situation where we had to buy scones which were $2.50 each. We also were starving and of course the only thing available were expensive food trucks, so we shared a teeny tiny burger for $13. The pickles on that burger were seriously life changing though, I want to go and buy a whole jar of their pickles.

After being robbed with the food, we got to see the courtyard with their fancy tennis courts and pool. They even had a garden with vegetables and fruits.

Our next goal was to see fireworks at 10 PM. We stumbled into a car show along the way, and also somehow ended up with a free very green banana and one apple. I also saw the expensive twisty potato again. We were starving and ate the apple, tried to eat the banana but it was so green you couldn’t peel it. Have you ever tried to eat a green banana? Somehow it’s tingly.

Can you see the little tiny circle windshield? The passenger gets to choke on bugs.

Eventually we walked all the way back to where we parked and searched for a Subway for something to eat. First one was inside a crowded stadium, and the next was closed for the holiday. We had a coupon and had to explain to the man who wasn’t the best at English how it worked. We devoured our sandwiches and went to see the fireworks at the Docklands.

Along the way we came across a store with lots of Nintendo stuff. I’ve wanted a Nintendo 3DS XL since they came out in 2012 (Anyone ever play Animal Crossing: New Leaf? That’s my dream) so it was fun to get to play one and pretend it was mine for a bit. Not my hands by the way. Mine are less manly. But only kind of.

We had arrived about 3.5 hours early because we weren’t sure when the fireworks were going to be. It was nice to sit and watch the sunset. It went from this

To this

I waited the whole 3.5 hours to pee so I wouldn’t miss them and guess when they started? While I was in the port-a-potty. Real nice. I had to sprint through the crowd back to our spot so I wouldn’t miss the rest. Sebastian attempted pictures which was cute but they were all blurry and crooked. So sweet. You can see a projection that was reading things like “Invasion Day”, “No Pride in Genocide”, etc. When we eventually got through the traffic back home we passed out in bed. I honestly don’t remember anything past driving home. It was a long day. But a very good one.

Happy Australia Day, 2017.