Life · Uncategorized

The chicken dilemma

I never expected a life or death situation, especially in the middle of nowhere with nobody to help. We stayed on a farm for two weeks where the nearest neighbors weren’t visible and the nearest town was a half hour drive away. Granted, in Australia, the definition for “the middle of nowhere” is a bit different than the rest of us, even people from small places like Montana. Australia IS the middle of nowhere.

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The farm was cute! The dogs were huge and the 12 chickens would follow you around wherever you went. There was a horse who followed too, and a calf who was too scared to come near. Also we had to take the trash out like this:

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It was too far away. My phone slipped out of my tiny woman jacket pockets two weeks ago and it’s broken so there are no pictures of the baby cow. Yes, I cried. Yes, I am a baby. Plus the story is a bit.. you’ll see. This is why I’m adding happy unrelated pictures from our travels at the farm. Sorry to all women out there with ridiculously tiny pockets.

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The three dogs had different personalities. The biggest one was friendly but a bit of a wuss. He had dry skin that needed spraying with an aloe mix, and would run away once he saw the spray bottle. Very hilarious to wake up in the morning and look out the window only to see a grown man chasing a horse sized dog around desperately holding a spray bottle up and trying to spray him.

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The next dog was the smallest, a greyhound, and he was lazy and did not care about attention at all. The last was another Wolfhound mix whose paws were too small for her body. She was petite and an absolute sweetheart, however she was a complete psycho.

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I still own one outfit

We were warned. The owners told us she would murder chickens for fun but we didn’t expect her to do it while we were there. Within the first 3 days, a chicken disappeared. She had had a snack. Over time, the chickens were slowly laying less eggs. The next time it happened, we found a body laying out for everyone to see plus another chicken missing. She did it for fun. Luckily it was trash day that day so into the trash can she went. We searched around and found the final missing chicken wedged between a pile of hay and the barn wall. We tried to pull her out, only to find out she was moving. Great! She’s okay!

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All these pretty pictures should counteract what you’re about to read 🙂

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Nope. Sebastian put some gloves on and pulled her out. She was holding her head down but still trying to move. We noticed the back of her neck immediately, there was a bone sticking out and it was clearly broken. Our pretty little lady dog had been bullying her. She was still clinging onto life for whatever reason and Sebastian, clearly in a state of shock (especially being a city boy and all), kept asking if we should take her to the vet. At the end of it he also said “Is it fucked up I still want to eat chicken after this?” Anyway, I pointed out that she’s obviously not going to live, plus chickens are like $10.

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Do we kill her? What do we do?

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Well. It’s probably what we should have done, but seeing how close to death she was we walked over to the corner of the property and just set her there. Yep. I’m pretty sure we should have just ended it for her, but well, that’s what we did. The next day we went out with shovels. I wanted to have a proper burial after a friend told me I should have done that rather than throwing the second one in the trash when the first got eaten by a dog. Maybe a burial would have been a bit more decent for it. Whoops.

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When we got to the spot we left her, she was gone. Probably got snatched up by a fox. So… at least there’s no cleanup? All the 9 chickens that were left got to witness 3 horrible deaths of their own and yet, still followed us around like puppies. I had caught the dog with her mouth around the neck of a chicken and stopped her in the past, but I never expected her to murder them. Should have been pretty obvious after witnessing that. We locked the chickens up in their coop after and surprise, surprise, they were laying eggs again. Some had been obviously chewed on by the dog and basically had PTSD so wouldn’t let you touch them, but at least they were safe from the big bad wolf now.

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There is good news out of all of this. I did get myself a Costco membership and a brand spanking new toothbrush. We obviously got to see some sights along the Great Ocean Road which were breathtaking and a good reminder that nature  isn’t completely fucked up. Just mostly.

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I’ve also decided for Christmas I’m buying myself a teeth cleaning because my bones hate me and I get cavities easily. It’s also Thanksgiving and as the second lonely family holiday season away from my family, I’m making it a big deal and having a big dinner. It’s going to be lit. That’s what the kids say, right. Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to. I sure hope your lives have been a bit more tame and if it’s mundane, keep it that way. Nature is scary. Offices are not. And with that, here’s a bar menu we found in an Irish town.

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Have a good week 🙂

 

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25 thoughts on “The chicken dilemma

  1. This is unfortunately life with chickens, because….well, they taste like chicken and they make such fun noises and they run hodge podge about, all very attractive attributesn to a dog looking for entertaonment, or a chew toy.

    We have a chicken chaser we babysit for my son while he works nights during the week. She gets chastised a lot but now listens (they can be taught not to bother the chickens fortunately because we free range on an acre and coop them at night). I don’t have a problem with how you handled the dead, dying or stressed chickens at all, although I do feel bad you had to go through it. We have buried several chickens over the years, one went in the rubbish bin and most have become dinner for a bobcat, hawk, racoon or some other predator. I can’t really blame them we just make he coops and runs more secure and understand hunger and thatbthey taste like chicken, don’t they Sebastian.

    Beautiful pictures and good writing, thanks for sharing.

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    1. The chickens we were watching were ex-factory ones so at least they got to live a better life for a little bit anyway. The trash chicken felt way weirder than letting the wildlife eat it. I mean at least if a fox took it, he/she enjoyed it or even fed a little fox family. Having chickens just reminded me nature is f-ed up and brutal but that’s just how it is. Everyone is always going to want chicken. Really makes me glad I’m not one lol

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      1. I hear ya! My family laughs at me because although I have raised chickens for 6+ years, I don’t cull them (slaughter) and I don’t eat their eggs. I cook eggs for everyone else or use them to bake but yeah… no. I didn’t like eggs before and that has increased exponentially. I see what they eat around here and where they come from, I’m good. 😝 Much agreed about the fox food, and yes it is pretty messed up sometimes.

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      2. Hahah, I actually got really excited about eggs and started eating a lot more once we had chickens, running out in the morning to get eggs that were still warm. They didn’t taste different than any other eggs though lol, which I also am not a huge fan of. The only problem was one of the dogs was huge + loved attention and smashed one with his gigantic head while it was in my hoodie’s pocket. He loved eggs though so at least he was happy. I don’t blame you for having chickens even if you don’t eat their eggs or them, they’re honestly pretty adorable little creatures 😊

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  2. Oh dear… I suppose I should feel sad about the poor chickens (especially the one you found only half dead) but I found the rest of your post hilarious and it’s left no room for feeling morbid. 🙂 Lovely photos, too – It looks a gorgeous coast. I’ve only been to the Gold Coast in Australia, and would love to see a lot more of the country in the future. 😀

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    1. Gold Coast is so pretty, and the beaches all kinda end up looking the same in the end so don’t feel left out! There is still the world’s smallest penguins on Phillip Island in Melbourne for you to see though 🙂

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  3. just found your blog and it is brilliant and hilarious and so good. Its my new favourite, I love it, shout out to you! Although sorry so many chickens died what a tragedy.

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  4. Being an animal lover and vegan, this post hurt my heart. I would have been a wreck in that situation. And worse, those chickens probably do have PTSD. At factory farms, they develop all sorts of mental disorders, such as anxiety and depression, and even if they’re rescued and go to live at a sanctuary, they still suffer anxiety and, as you said, PTSD. Chickens are very intelligent creatures, but we’re taught to see them as crazy and stupid. 😦

    Even though your man still wants to eat chicken (tsk tsk, Sebastian), I love you guys. ❤ ❤ ~whisper~ Go vegan. ❤ 😉

    On a happier note, YEAH HOW 'BOUT THOSE GORGEOUS PICTURES. So pretty. All the clothing brands you wear should sponsor you. 😀

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    1. Chickens are pretty cool animals, them and cows were my favorite animals as a kid. They were known as “the pretty ladies” while we were there 🙂 The owner said one time the dog killed 6 in a day, so that’s why I decided having the chickens locked in their coop would be better even if there wasn’t infinite space in there like they had before. Poor pretty ladies 😦 I try not to think of the chickens in the big farms. All 1 clothing brands should sponsor me 😉

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  5. Oh no, those poor chickens! But… why didn’t you at them? Seems like a waste of chicken.
    The pictures are very pretty! Also that Irish pub is brilliant. And accurate, I can say from experience.

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  6. Oh god that sounds like a terrible experience!!:( I grew up on a farm and I remember this one time my dad had to kill a rooster (can’t recall why…), I still remember how they chopped the head off (nice and quick) and put a brown paper bag over the neck (for us kids??) Next thing the headless rooster is running around with the paper bag still on and only stopped when he ran straight into a water tank. Dad reassured me it was just nerves, but it was pretty distressing to witness I can tell you. I was only 7 !

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